Constructive or Destructive Approach

I’m a fairly new blogger. I wish I had 36 hours in a day to write, read, comment, share, like and do all that blogging entails.

I know proofreading is something I’ve struggled with since my early early writing days (high school!). I know errors may create distaste in readers. I know it’s unprofessional. I know I am working on this though.

As a writer, I am first a reader. I read others ‘ work as much as possible… And I gain knowledge, helpful tips, and insight by doing so.

As a reader, just as I do as a writer, and in my every day life, I am careful with my approach towards individuals. The biggest reason is because kindness makes a world of difference. The other reason is because I understand how what I FEEL impacts my life moreover than what’s said to me. Children will remember how you made them feel. As adults, first impressions tell a great deal about our identity. Therefore, if someone NEVER see me or reads my writing but a few times, I hope even he or she would say, it was a pleasant experience.

I reply to blogs in such a way that would be most receptive, especially in instances where my words could hurt someone’s confidence. I want the writer to know I enjoyed his /her piece. I want him/her to feel good about the effort that he /she puts forth, and that I will continue visiting. I want the writer to know his /her strength about his /her writings; and, should I offer any suggestion for improvement, I would first point out the awesomeness of how much he /she has already improved.

Nothing feels worse than knowing the time I put into what I post, and hearing it’s ill received because it’s not perfect (not from a lack of trying!)…. Nothing feels worse than understanding a reader’s intention was to discredit my work because it’s not yet where I want it to be…. Although I am trying, and I am working hard on improving. Those elements weren’t considered before the comment was posted.

We can be constructive or destructive with our feedback. For me, I’m likely to take advice from the individuals who acknowledges my strengths, or first shares something he or she likes about my writing. I would prefer to hear suggestions in a tone of hopeful encouragement, rather than belittling discouragement. That’s what I give, because I’m certain other writers are doing his /her best, as well.


10 thoughts on “Constructive or Destructive Approach

  1. Hi – I left a comment before (and it was either accidentally spammed or intentionally canned – and now worries either way)
    I just wanted to say that I apologize if my comment was not in the right tone (about the capitalization of words)
    anyhow, you have such a positive energy here and I cannot imagine anyone trying to discredit you – because when you come to such joyful uplifting kinda posts here – it leaves people feeling good

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I appreciate your comments🧡 I don’t remember feeling any disrespect from anything Ive read from you. I try hard to leave my best for my readers, so they do leave with a happier heart. Thank you for reading🧡 Have a wonderful day!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Your post was really good and you are so right – kindness is key!
    And it sounds like you have a wonderful approach and I think your blogging path will be successful.
    and whew, I have lots to add to what you said here – but I will limit it to a few things –
    1) it can be super vulnerable to put your material out there. For about 15 years I wrestled with being able to receive feedback. I did not know I was wrestling – but see it in hindsight. It was just where I was – and it had little to do with blogging as I did not blog but then. And I think that blogging has its own set of rules. Some people do not want feedback – and I challenged someone in a religious post recently and she slammed me with the ol’ Matthew 18. If you do not know what this means – she emailed me and said that I should have emailed her and not written on her blog. However, the matthew 18 applies to the body of the church and I am still chewing on the best (kind) reply to close that issue. but what i learned (again) was that
    feedback (giving and receiving) is such a tricky thing.
    And not everyone wants positive and negative comments. They want praise and thumbs up – but sadly do not want critical (not destructive – but correction) type of comments.
    and normally I do not have time to leave such critical thoughts (and people get paid for such feedback – ha) but in that case I thought she needed to hear that.

    2) I think that writing flash fiction – well some writers want picking comments and ideas while others do not. I once had someone tell me my flash fiction was confusing and for a little while I thought she was being crabby – but a few months later – it was clear to me that she was gifting me her honest opinion – and could have said it way worse – and it was confusing.
    – on the other hand, I have had to speak up to a blogger who was leaving comments that were always a slam (not helpful and it was again and again) –

    3) you mentioned proofreading as struggle since high school? well keep in mind that we are all rusty if we take breaks from writing or if we never developed strong skills in an area.
    when I first went to graduate school (more than a decade ago) my papers were arduous and took me a day and half to write. My spouse – who is not a writer – and never wants to be – he is a musician and business dude – well he would spend two hours editing my papers. Such an act of love and support. I would then clean it up – however, pretty soon I did not need him to proof – and then by the year’s end – I was whipping out some papers in two hours – the amount of time it used to take him to clean up my work.
    – writing is iterative and some of the learning only comes with doing and doing and doing.

    and I know some writers are picky when it comes to grammar and writing errors – I do not feel that i am – but a long time ago I had a headache because I followed so many writers who did not have a handle of the English language – seriously – I stayed away from most writers via blog for that reason. but then two years ago I found the friday fiction crew and have enjoyed the team –
    we all make mistakes and sometimes I see folks asking for feedback – while other times I see a few things that i do not think would be helpful to mention – it depends on the blogger – and also on how well we know each other.
    and for me – it depends on the feel i get from the writer.
    and recently – when I asked you about some capitalization – I hope it was not an insult – but I was really curious if it was a style thing



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