I typically despise the Winter. I hate being cold, cabin fever makes me crazy, and the bleak days of January suck. Right now, I just want to take a few moments to appreciate the Christmas season.
My faith has been my guiding light this year. Without it, I wouldn’t have made it. There were moments here and there that I lost sight of it ; but, God’s glorious grace brought it back to me. Coupled with my Faith, I’ve held Hope so close to my heart. Hope is my little voice that said try again tomorrow. It was the hand I held when my grief pulled at my heartstrings. It’s how I keep moving forward.
I started 2018 with news that undeniably changed me. I can remember for only a moment and the emotions come racing back. The pain was excruciating, and the questions were endless. It’s so hard to believe that was just January.
As my year went on, clarity made it’s way through the maze of confusion. I was able to receive my answers and to just sob, in the arms of who I so badly needed. Through the summer, the chaos diminished… and life felt more “normal”. Well, as normal as they could be for my life.
What I did know, despite all odds and relentless requests from friends, I am in love with this man. I’m in love with this life, together with him…. No matter how crazy it can be or what challenge we face. I’m in love with my beautiful girls, my endless loves. Without their unconditional love, I would be so lost.
I’m in love with this place, our blogging family. Writing rescued me over and over this year, inspiring me to burn the fire of my strength brighter than the ugliness of my grief. This place allowed me to voice what I couldn’t say, without judgements and shame.
We have made it, December 2018. The last of the year has greeted us, with again charols and candy canes, yuletide wishes for the best in the new year. The lights are popping up, air inflated symbols of Saint Nich and the loveable bubbly Frosty.
This is a year that changed my life, moreso than any of my 33. When I’m least excited about this season, this year I’m embracing this day… One of a glorious time, where family visits, or children are laughing, where the couch and a blanket in front of a warm toasty fireplace welcome company. This time of year when the snowflakes dance merrily upon the glistening windowsills and trees of retold stories begin to appear. When smiles are passed, and most of all… My gracious and forgiving, everlasting, and all knowing King is celebrated.
May the joyous parts of this season resonate all the beauty that surrounds you this Christmas ~